Lemon and Lime
By Nick and Liam Kopaloff
Lemon and Lime
Would fight all the time
“My juice is purer than yours
Inferior fruit
Should be given the boot
As laid out in the New-fruit-purge Laws.”
“There is no finer dish
Than sliced lemon on fish
Or a wedge squeezed on succulent steak
Without taking the pith
Skin color’s no myth
Books will burn and glasses will break.”
“You are cowardly yellow
I’m green and I’m mellow
You are a fleeting ball of hot air
“There is no smoother saga
Than lime laced in lager
I’m refined and more debonair
Having rejected Uganda
In rolled an Auslander
Seedless Tangerine was his name
By his own admissions
He lemonized his traditions
Even bleached his orange membrane
Lemon and Lime met
Agreed he was a threat
And resolved Tangerine should not stay
So horses for courses
They united their forces
To drive the intruder away.
Then a remarkable fella
A great big pomella
Came to see what some would not see
“Why the goose-stepping?
The crooked cross they are schlepping
And who needs to work to be free.”
Tangerine, Lemon, Lime
A pact did they sign
For Pom’s repatriation
He can run, he can hike
He can get on his bike
Or be put on a train at the station.
Then a plum wandered in
Looking forlorn and thin
“I am citrus of plum persuasion
And I respectfully implore
You stop this furor”
He was put in complete segregation.
Pom was admitted to the team
Of Lemon, Lime and Tangerine
Who were now called the “Squadron of Sour”
“Eternal Plum will soon see
Tomorrow belongs to me
And that this is our finest hour.”
But what could be humbler
Than a modest cucumber
Who took up the plight of the plum?
Courageous and righteous
He thought that he might just
Come to the aid of his chum.
But in a turn of events
The plum had the sense
To highlight their unity as fruit
“It’s not the color of our skin
It’s the flesh that’s within
That defines our heritage and roots.”
When cucumber was excluded
He moped and he brooded
And got pickled with gay dill and cloves
Such is the lumber
Of a tattooed cucumber
Ejected by mad xenophobes.
When a dog passed them by
With an inquisitive eye
The cucumber merged with the others
“We are all fruit and veg
And allegiance we pledge
To our God our flag and our brothers.”
With no retort or debate
The dog accepted his fate
Selected, dejected and mute
Am I mistaken
Or have I been forsaken
By a mixture of vegetables and fruit?”
He held up his paws
Succumbed to the laws
And hoped the end would come soon
His yellow collar of shame
Bore witness and blame
For their misery and misfortune.
Approached by a ranger
Fruit and veg sensed the danger
And summoned the dog to their cause
“Standing shoulder to shoulder
We’ll be stronger and bolder”
They chanted to wild applause.
Then an audacious Martian
Put a little moustache on
To mirror their brilliant disguise
He wore a peaked army hat
A black shirt and cravat
And side-parting which covered his eyes
But his relentless saluting
And urgent recruiting
Were a real giveaway sign
The ranger was aghast
Yet stood firm and fast
By the fruit, the veg and canine.
So they drove away the creature
With rather strange features
Back to his home in the stars
“This is solely our place
It’s meant just for our race
And of course not for aliens from Mars.
Nor for anyone iffy
Or any way different
And that is our battle cry
You can love us or leave us
But better believe us
If you are not one of us you will die.”

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